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Antwoord
 
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Eoin
Hedonist
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 29 december 2012 @ 16:33
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Kijk, zo behoren mijn vrienden me te behandelen. Daarom hou ik van ze. Ik wil niets met Warm Bodies te maken hebben, en ik speel Horde.

 

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Maverick
KANSOKU!
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 02 januari 2013 @ 00:48
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What makes you instantly hate someone?
Talking in the movie theatre. Talking in the motherfucking movie theatre, about whatever bullshit Ashley was saying the other day, and emitting high-pitched fucking squeals or giggles every five fucking minutes and there's fucking seven of you and you sat DIRECTLY FUCKING BEHIND ME for all TWO FUCKING HOURS OF THE FUCKING HOBBIT intermittently judging the movie for being SO FUCKING NERDY AND HAHAHA COULD YOU BELIEVE WHAT JOSH WOULD SAY IF HE KNEW WE WENT TO SEE THE HOBBIT HAHAHAHA DID THEY SAY DILDO BAGGINS HAHAHAHAHAHAFSFAFAKJLHA OMG WE'RE SUCH NERDS THAT DWARF IS HOT OMG CASEY I'M TELLING KEV YOU SAID THAT HAHAA OH MY GOOOOD DOOOON'T

I paid thirty fucking dollars to see that movie, and I left knowing that Ashley had an abortion last Wednesday despite not knowing a single Dwarf's name.



my middle school gym teacher won a teacher of the year for the county one time. i still dont know why
Least amount of criminal charges than any other gym teacher in the local tri-county area??


[ Laatst gewijzigd door Maverick; 02 januari 2013 om 13:43 ]
 

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Maverick
KANSOKU!
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 05 januari 2013 @ 00:02
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oh god. talesfromtechsupport:

Quote:
This morning as I was walking into work one of the owners of the IT company I work for pulled me aside before I even had a chance to power up my laptop, surf reddit or have any coffee-

A little back story on this client. They came to us as a referral and had just recently lost their IT guy. They needed some equipment set up ASAP so they hired us. The CEO of the company is one of those guys in power that likes to swing his title around like a large male member because well he is just kind of a dick like that.

On to the rest of the story-

Bossman- Hey, COMPANY is happy with the work you did and would like to use us for future work but there is one sticking point.

Me- What is the point you guys are stuck on?

Bossman- The client will not move forward unless we give him your direct (personal) cell number.

It should be said now that we DO NOT provide 24/7 support. We do have an on call rotation, but we stop responding to calls at 10pm. We also have a policy that states we do not give out our cell numbers to clients (too easy for things to fall through the cracks).

Me- ABSOLUTELY NOT. I have met COMPANY CEO and you will not give him my personal cell phone number unless you are prepared to give me a SIGNIFICANT raise.

Bossman- Well he really wouldn't have a need to call you that often and it would not be after hours.

Me- I will respectfully disagree with you. I will do whatever I can to help this company succeed, with that said in my experience once you give a client your personal cell number they will abuse the privilege of having it and will call at all hours. Like I said before, unless you are willing to give me a large raise you will not give him my number.

Bossman- stunned silence

tl:dr Blunt response shakes up bossman's sales pitch.

Update

Thanks everyone for the upvotes and comments! Front Page!

I came in to work this morning, and bossman pulled me aside and apologized for the conversation yesterday, and said I was more valuable to him and the company than taking on that client. Felt good to hear


Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door BaconCat
Bossman- Well he really wouldn't have a need to call you that often and it would not be after hours.

Choose your own adventure!

A: "Then he doesn't need it, and can call the main support line"

B: "Then would you be comfortable with giving the customer your personal cell number?"

C: "Fuck you; pay me"

Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door SQLDave
Oooh.. I like "B". Make the client call Bossman every time support is (supposedly) needed so Bossman can experience it firsthand.
Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door BaconCat
Bossman- I get what you're saying, SQLDave, but that isn't the team player attitude that reflects well on your performance review.

A. "Okay. Here's my cell number.."

B. Say "Performance reviews are for the weak hearted", and kick over a printer to emphasize your point.

C. Cast level 50 seduction on Bossman.
Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door terriblestoryteller
I love this fucking game. I choose B.) Kick over printer to assert dominance amung other office staff. Beat hands on chest and make loud grunting noise. What happens next?
Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door BaconCat
Bossman stairs in stunned disbelief. Bossman'sBoss comes out of his office to see what the commotion is about: "Bossman, terriblestoryteller, what's going on here?"

A. Play it off like an accident.

B. Tell Bossman'sBoss "Bossman's cowardice is destroying this company, this printer's sacrifice will live on in the halls of victory."

C. Cast level 50 seduction on Bossman'sBoss.
Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door Toribor
B. Tell Bossman'sBoss "Bossman's cowardice is destroying this company, this printer's sacrifice will live on in the halls of victory."

At this point I also dip my finger in the spilled toner and use it to paint tribal markings all over my body. I shout that I am the deathbringer, the skull collector, and this is my domain.
Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door BaconCat
Bossman looks at you in horrified and stunned disbelief. Bossman'sBoss looks at you, staring deep into your eyes examining your soul, like a madman would appraise every grain of sand on a beach. You stare back, and although the room is filled with a deafening silence, you swear you can hear the primal pounding of drums in the distance like an approaching storm. After what seems like an eternity, Bossman'sBoss says "Bossman, you're fired. Toribor, you're the new bossman."


A. Accept the position.

B. Let madness consume you and hoist the shattered printer like a war hammer.
Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door wingedmurasaki
A then B
Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door BaconCat
"You have made your choice, then." Bossman'sBoss says, as he tears off his suit to reveal a chiseled, battle-scarred torso. He deflects your first blow using his blackberry, then picks up Bossman and uses him like a flail. Blow after punishing blow, your defenses are destroyed along with Bossman's face. Finally, you lose your balance and Bossman'sBoss stands over you: "Any last words?"

A. "Death is only the beginning."

B. Cast level 50 seduction on Bossman'sBoss.
Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door FionnIsAinmDom
A while B
Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door BaconCat


Bossman'sBoss raises his mighty boot, and, in a moment's pause, a single tear rolls from his eye before all his crashing weight falls on your head in a sickening crunch. While he had finally accepted you as his great love, his warrior soul could not permit you to live. Bossman'sBoss left the company forever and was never seen again. Some say, late at night during a full moon, the laserjet spooling makes a sound like the gentle sobbing of a great warrior.

END
 

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Deco T. Aoreste
Aleimon Thimble
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 08 januari 2013 @ 21:11
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Enkele quotes van bash.org:

--

<Screwy> I went on a 30-day diet
<Screwy> and lost 30 days

(Matt^^^) Ok, walk up to a really hot chick and say "I bet you 20 bucks I can make your tits jiggle without touching them"
(Matt^^^) then grab her tits, give her 20 bucks and walk away

Tetramaster3k: Omg.
Tetramaster3k: My mom was just outside my room, and she saw me chewing on the chords to my headphones
Tetramaster3k: She goes
Tetramaster3k: "If you keep doing that, you'll reach wire and electrocute yourself"
Tetramaster3k: So I stopped
Tetramaster3k: Then she goes
Tetramaster3k: "I didn't tell you to stop"

<+HoCkster> I got an official warning from my bank
<+HoCkster> I usually pay my rent as "Columbian Drug Money", they never objected
<+HoCkster> but then I forgot my mates cell phone number,
<+HoCkster> we were both doing internet banking at the same time right
<@Lilzvixen> welcome to my room
<+HoCkster> so I give him a 1 cent payment going "What's your number"
<+HoCkster> and we start having this whole conversation
<+HoCkster> it was like webchat
<+HoCkster> so like 87 payments later, the bank rings me up and were like
<+HoCkster> "have you thought of getting MSN?"

<@Campbell> I saw the best thing today... I was around at a mates place and these Jehovah's Witnesses came around preaching their shit
<@Campbell> So my mate invites them in and sits down and offers them pizza and cookies.
<@Campbell> After about 15 minutes they left very happy.
<@Campbell> We spotted them about an hour later lying in a park staring at the sky
<@Campbell> I guess those hash cookies and that magic mushie pizza really did its job.
<@Campbell> Who said drugs were bad?!

<ZBZZN> BUKKAKE!
<ZBZZN> I yelled that in class
<ZBZZN> and ppl went like "WTF"
<Killrbyte> I once had a guy yell out "MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!" in the middle of a test.
<Killrbyte> Then the guy next to him said "SHIT! I didn't think you'd actually do it!" as he whipped out a $20 bill and handed it over.

<BethOOC> If it were my dad, he'd be making jokes about being hard-headed.
<BethOOC> After they amputated his toe he joked about having to learn to count in base 19
<Rach> .....
<Rach> Your dad is a dork...
 

"The world's a playground. You know that when you are a kid, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets it."
Ravons J. Daro
Quite.
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 09 januari 2013 @ 15:17
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Ravons | Jordy
OH FUCKING FUUUUCK
Ik ga echt eindigen als zo'n recluse systeembeheerder die in de kelder van het bedrijf werkt.
Met alleen maar kunstmatig licht en stof.
Wesley
xx""D
Ravons | Jordy
Standaard telefoon opnemen: HELLO IT.
...
HAVE YOU TRIED TURNING IT OFF AND ON AGAIN
Wesley
"bel jij de ICT guy even? Mijn computer doet het niet" - "..nee, bel JIJ maar, hij is eng!"
Ravons | Jordy
"Ja, maar de telefoons liggen eruit. Dus iemand moet naar... de kelder." *bliksem op de achtergrond, huilende wolven en shit*
Wesley
x"D
"STEEN PAPIER SCHAAR"
Ravons | Jordy
Komen ze daar binnen. Hoor je fucking Phantom of the Opera orgelmuziek.
Zie me zo zitten met m'n rug naar hen toe, voor zo'n PC maar met een custom toetsenbord die orgelmuziek speelt als je typt.
Wesley
x"D
Ravons | Jordy
Overal spinnenwebben en ratten tussen de barely running servers omdat die tyfuslijers van het bestuur op NIKS willen bezuinigen BEHALVE de fucking computerapparatuur.
 

I've traced your shadows on the wall. Now I kiss them.
DJ_D
Lol? denk ik...
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 09 januari 2013 @ 20:00
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Ik zonet dagdromen...
(D = Daniël [Ik]
A = mijn moeder
N = Ander mevrouwtje)

*huis telefoon gaat*
*ziet dat het onbekend nummer is*
*zet muziek uit*
*neemt op*
Ik: met mij
N: hallo, u spreekt met *naam* van Neckerman. is A ook aanwezig?


*Sigh* Ik moet beter opletten xD
 
Maverick
KANSOKU!
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 09 januari 2013 @ 23:30
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"I pop the video in, and wow... Tears welling, silence, goose-bumps... Wow. [I felt like] I just lost my girlfriend, because that song isn't mine anymore... It really made me think about how powerful music is as a medium and art form. I wrote some words and music in my bedroom as a way of staying sane, about a bleak and desperate place I was in, totally isolated and alone. [Somehow] that winds up reinterpreted by a music legend from a radically different era/genre and still retains sincerity and meaning — different, but every bit as pure."

"I'd been friends with Rick Rubin for several years. He called me to ask how I'd feel if Johnny Cash covered Hurt. I said I'd be very flattered but was given no indication it would actually be recorded.

"Hearing it was like someone kissing your girlfriend."

"Two weeks went by. Then I got a CD in the post. I listened to it and it was very strange. It was this other person inhabiting my most personal song.

"I'd known where I was when I wrote it. I know what I was thinking about. I know how I felt. Hearing it was like someone kissing your girlfriend. It felt invasive".

http://www.musicradar.com/news/guita...ny-cash-168199

Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails) over Johnny Cash's versie van Hurt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l95D7leeU3w
 

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Natsuki
~Tori
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 31 januari 2013 @ 20:30
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Kennis van me (Y) liet om een mij nog onbekende reden zijn naam op z'n onderarm tatoeëren. Vond sommige van de facebook-reacties best leuk xd

*foto tattoo*
G: Bang dat je je naam niet meer gaat weten?
Y: Handig als ik gedronken heb.
M: Op de andere arm je adres, dan kunnen ze je ook naar huis brengen.

*status: I really wanna hit some people in the face =D*
M: Doe dat niet met je Y arm, dan weten ze wie je bent.

--> lachte zelf net iets te erg om die laatste

Vraag me toch nog steeds af waarom iemand z'n eigen naam laat zetten...
 

Do you know where Hell is?
MAL || YouTube
You only realize how much you love someone once you've lost them
elotjee
Cake!
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 08 maart 2013 @ 22:44
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Ik ging vandaag shoppen met zuslief en moeder en tijdens het kopen van een parkeerkaart vond dit gesprek plaats.

Ik heb het even in een spoiler gezet aangezien het niet voor de jeugdige lezers is.

zus: hoe de fuck ken jij nou weer het kenteken nummer van de auto uit je hoofd?
Ik: omdat ik er een ezelsbruggetje voor heb gemaakt.
Zus: oh en wat is dat dan?
Ik: .. HB staat voor hoeren bak en DK staat voor dikke knuppel.
Zus: x'''D
 
Maverick
KANSOKU!
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 07 april 2013 @ 00:29
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They get to cook and do girly stuff without being judged. Sometimes I want to take a bubble bath and smell like flowers okay?

Edit: Cooking is not girly I know

-
I love using my girlfriend's shampoos and soaps. They smell delicious and make me feel like a beautiful and exotic flower
-
I love when my SO uses my shampoos and soaps because he ends up smelling like me. Then other girls will know he's with someone. Its like I'm marking my territory without having to piss on him.
 

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
T. Tapes
Member of Kingdoms
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 07 mei 2013 @ 00:46
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What is everyone's favorite pizza?

I hate pizza. My favorite is the one that falls out of the box and doesn't get delivered.


Eeyoooo!~
 

't.tapes visitor messages best visitor messages' - Hawk, 2012
Maverick
KANSOKU!
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 09 mei 2013 @ 17:56
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I was walking down the street and saw a black guy walking with a TV in his hands. I thought to myself, shit that looks like mine so I rush home. Nope, mine was still there, shining my shoes.
 

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Maverick
KANSOKU!
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 26 mei 2013 @ 23:37
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To express oneself
In seventeen syllables
Is very diffic
 

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Mana Praxula
Stomme Appel
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 27 mei 2013 @ 09:06
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Quote:
Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door Maverick Bekijk bericht
To express oneself
In seventeen syllables
Is very diffic
Prachtige quote Wes xD
 

''Een beter AWF begint bij jezelf''
- een wijs iemand
Deco T. Aoreste
Aleimon Thimble
 
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Standaard geplaatst op 27 mei 2013 @ 18:00
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En nog wat bash.org-juweeltjes:

---

<dzee> want to try again sara
<sara_sig> no
<sara_sig> gay thing
<sara_sig> too pissed off with it
<dzee> why does it crash?
<sara_sig> .
<sara_sig> ^ see that?
<sara_sig> That is a concentrated ball of rage
<sara_sig> Refined hatred poured into one small dot
<sara_sig> "why does it crash" is possibly the only question that can merit an outpouring like that
<sara_sig> I simply cannot even be sarcastic about it
<sara_sig> It goes way beyond that

<bi0h4z4r_> north korea is test firing missiles right now
<bi0h4z4r_> on fox news
<@argv[0]> thats where i would test my missiles too
<@argv[0]> fox news headquarters

<AXiLLA> it feels like I need to do the dishes.. I'm drinking juice out of an ashtray :[

<Chris> man.. i've got such a bad cold, I keep gettin nosebleeds. it's awful
* Joins #aesir: -Mike0r-
<Chris> I mean, last night.. I blew my load into a tissue right
<Chris> but it just started bleeding...
<Chris> I had to pinch it to stop it, cos it bleeds for ages
<Chris> I swear one day it'll happen and i'll die from blood loss
* Quits: -Mik0r- (Quit: what. the. fuck. note to self, don't ever hang out with you guys.. ever)
<Dan> ehh

< Laura> I used to have a preserved human penis in a jar.
< Laura> It was lost in a move.
< Laura> This made me sad until someone pointed out that that means that SOMEONE moved into a house and found a human penis in a jar.
< Laura> This makes me feel better.

<LORD|Kittel|Work> I had a user tell me that she couldn't see anything on her PC. I had her verify for me that it was plugged in and that it was turned on. When it still didn't display anything I went to her office to take a look.
<LORD|Kittel|Work> She didn't have a computer. She had a monitor only.
<LORD|Bishop|Werk> hahahahahahaaha
<LORD|Kittel|Work> But that was indeed plugged in and turned on.
<LORD|Kittel|Work> I had to give her that.

<thinkmad> your face sucks
<thinkmad> watch my movie
<thinkmad> http://www.thinkmad.com/tvp/tvp/Medi...lo_320x240.mov
<Hummer> thats good advertising
<Hummer> start off with an insult. always works
<Drakken> FUCK YOU ALL - Buy Crest toothpaste!
<Hummer> hahah
<golic3> He got your attention though
<Hummer> true
<Hummer> EAT SHIT! go to mcdonalds!
 

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